We got home. My sister dimmed the lights and put historie de melody nelson by Serge Gainsbourg in the record player while we took turns vomiting in the bathroom. She chose the kitchen sink. We all sat around the coffee table in silence, looking at each other’s faces. We looked like shit. The gay dude started laughing and we all followed suit. “We look like shit,” he said. My sister’s girlfriend brought the cheese platter again, there was still more than half left. She served a jar of tap water and a bottle of white wine. The water was left intact. We sang and danced, and one by one, as if it were a game of musical chairs, everyone passed out in different spots of the house.

 

First it was the gay dude in the Bahaus imitation chair. Second, my sister’s girlfriend in the couch that was supposed to be my bed. Third, my sister in the fluffy rug. Finally, the two girls and I went to the only bed in the house. I believe this was their goal all along. They had won the musical chairs, and I was the prize. I went to put blankets on the corpses scattered across the living room and when I got back to the bedroom, they had left a space for me in between them. They were pretending to be asleep, and when I entered, they pretended to have woken up but only partially. I knew that game, the one where people in a dreamy state fall victim to gravity and end up snuggled up together. I didn’t mind a threesome, but there was a major problem: I needed to “use the restroom." I desperately, whole heartedly, tragically, needed to “use the restroom." But the house was too small, and I was embarrassed to go with all the guests in there. I needed them to disappear. Their hands started creeping up my thighs. There was no escape. I knew that if I moved too much terrible things would happen. Somehow, I had to resolve with the least amount of movement possible. I went for it. Hands came and went in a delicate dance, cigarette and vomit flavored tongues swirled around. Considering the circumstances, it was a success. I suspect the girls felt otherwise, but I didn’t really care. They fell asleep. I stayed awake, with my eyes closed, praying for them to leave. 

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I was almost falling asleep too, when a tap on the window brought me back to consciousness. I opened my eyes and slowly turned my head towards the source of the noise. I had never, nor since, seen a cat with such human-like eyes. We made eye contact. That’s when I noticed that his eyes were of two different colors. One was brown, the other one was green. 

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THE END