FOUNDATIONS

3 of 4

Can one do a selfless act in a selfish way?

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​Sometimes I look back at the way I’ve handled certain things, and it astounds me. I find myself thinking “I can’t believe I did this. And yet, it does sound like something I would do. But still, I can’t believe that this is something I would do.” And it’s not like I don’t know why I accepted to take Joker-boy in. If I can help someone in need, I’ll do it. Especially when it costs me almost nothing. But why didn’t I consult with my girlfriend before saying yes? Maybe I was afraid she’d refuse. Women sometimes refuse this sort of thing, and they are usually right. She would’ve, for example, pointed out that he was a stranger. That he came from a complicated background. That he might overstay his welcome or act in unpredictable ways. And she would have been right.
 

That Wednesday I came back from work with two surprises; one was a bag of biscuits. The other one was a stocky, freckled, friendly (leaning towards “fresh”) human being. “Sunshine, meet Alex. He’s gonna be staying here for a couple of days while he gets some shit sorted out. Alex, meet Sunshine.”

He scanned her from top to bottom. “Oh yeah, I believe I’ve seen you walking near the building,” he said with a tone that infuriated me. In that very instant I realized I had made a huge mistake. Despite this, or perhaps because she was already used to it, she was extremely polite. She was so polite I even thought I was off the hook for a brief second, but when they kissed on the cheek as is customary in my country, she gave me ‘the look’. Oh boy, am I in trouble.

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I activated puppy dog mode. “I bought biscuits,” I said. She didn’t touch the biscuits. Alex, on the other hand, had no problem eating all the biscuits. I didn’t need to tell him to make himself at home, he did that all on his own. Oh boy, am I in big, big trouble.

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He went into what was now to be his room while my girlfriend and I stayed in the living room. “I’m sorry, I should have told you,” I said.

“Gee, you think?”

“I couldn’t say no… he was desperate,” I said. I lied, he didn’t seem desperate when he asked. He looked normal, like a person who’s expecting ‘no’ for an answer. She didn’t say anything and went to her room. She didn’t look mad, she looked disappointed. Disappointed is far worse than mad.

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I have a mental disorder that commands me to make any guest in my house feel constantly comfortable and entertained at all costs. I blame my mother for this. I’d probably serve cookies to Hitler if he came to visit. So, instead of trying to manage the situation, I asked Alex if he wanted to play FIFA. I don’t exactly know what the correct way to ‘manage the situation’ was, but sure as hell playing FIFA wasn’t it. We sat there and played, me, very uneasy with the situation, he, having the time of his life. He had a look of fascination on his face since entering the apartment. 

“Nice apartment,” he commented. 

“Yeah, it’s nice,” I said.

“Nice furniture,” he continued.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said.

“Nice paintings.”

“Yeah.”

“D’you figure they’re expensive?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, let’s play.” 

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After twenty minutes or so, my girlfriend came out of the room wearing very short white leggings and a crop top. She went into the kitchen without a word, but I noticed that she was doing her sexy walk. Alex was practically drooling, which I resented. I loved that walk, but only I had the right to see it. I couldn’t believe that that was the way she had chosen to punish me. I resented her too. I remained calm. It’s only for a few days. I later asked her to please refrain from wearing those leggings in front of him; a request she purposely ignored. Alex followed her around with his gaze, and frankly, I couldn’t blame him. He, at least, had the decency to stop when I gave him an incriminating look. But the whole dynamics made me very uncomfortable. I needed things to go back to normal fast.

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